Hahaha, just kidding! There isn’t any.
My water broke and I headed to the hospital just before midnight on a Friday. 36 hours of labor and a C-section later, my son was born. Two days after that, I left the hospital. I was working up until the Friday I went into labor, responded to my first work email before I left the hospital with him, and never missed a deadline. And it was hard. I had informed my ongoing clients of my anticipated due date, limited my availability, and turned down a couple of potential clients (painful on the checking account, but necessary), but there were still items that needed to be taken care of. When you’re a company of one, there’s no one to step up and cover for you. So you do what has to be done.
What I didn’t anticipate was the sheer exhaustion and hormonal mess you are after giving birth. I had the misguided notion that I would be able to work while the baby was napping (which I did do, on occasion). People tell you how much newborn babies sleep. But no one tells you that you’re so sleep-deprived and emotional that you will just burst into tears for no real reason, everything hurts, anything requiring mental exertion will take at least twice as long, or that the baby will only sleep while you’re holding him. Or maybe they do, and you just can’t comprehend what it’s like until you’re in the midst of it.
I’m the sole support for my son. I can’t afford to take unpaid time off, and even if I could, there might not be a business for me to come back to if I did. Understandably, clients need someone they can depend on. You can’t just take 6 weeks (or several months, which would be more reasonable) off when you’re self-employed. I was lucky in that family members and friends stepped up to help me out, and I largely work from home and set my own schedule. Most of my client work can be done at any time, which is vital when your newborn has zero concept of day, night, or when Mommy needs to be on a call. I was able to limit how many hours I was working and when, and I didn’t have to leave him all day in order to go back to work.
Self-employment has been and continues to be the best choice for me, but I resented not being able to focus entirely on him during the first few weeks.
Bottom line: Support paid parental leave. Support portable benefits that are affordable and can be accessed by freelancers and the self-employed, not just by individuals who work for large companies. Parents need it. Babies need it. Three months later, I’m back up to full-speed at work but I’m certainly not 100% back to where I was physically or mentally. Having a child is both the best and most traumatic experience I’ve ever gone through, and I expect that’s true for parents across the board. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it’s time for parental leave and benefits to adapt to fit current needs, family structures, and working conditions.
